You gonna burn WHAT?

Just some Real Talk© from a brother who always comes correct: R. Kelly.

Is this how we play Chicken in 2007?

It's November my friends--that means its the season of standardized tests (is it?). So with that in mind, here's a little warmup.

What is most offensive about this video clip?

A) The sheer act of being trampled by the Auburn football team.
B) The producer's decision to show the clip over and over with a certain cinematic flair.
C) The anchors' seamless integration of small talk into the program.
D) All of the above.

The answer is E--the fact that despite this hilarity, no one was actually hurt.

More from the Onion Weekender...

I heard Christopher Reeve was faking it too!

It's time for the executive leadership of Chicken Coop Holdings LLC to level with the public. We're about to be bought by News Corp. and as a result can only show news bloopers. Or so it would seem. Here's former paraplegic Kevin Everett showing the world that he has feelings too...

We're sending our love down the well -- and straight to hell

Someone forgot to tell these people to warm up before singing in a stadium. Watch out for the old "steel wool" effect on your eardrums. But at least they look good doing it!

World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100

I'm not going to add any personal interpretation. It's from The Onion and it's a @#$% riot. Enough said.


World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100

Best video dating blooper of 1986

This is highlight reel-caliber video dating footage; ladies, here's your knight in shining armor. Although behind every great man lies an Achilles Heel, and for Steven Morris it appears that simultaneously sitting and yelling are just too difficult to coordinate.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/27729/

Let's get physical!

Wear sweats to the gym at your own risk.

Chris Farley as a little girl

Many thanks to Philip Huffman for unearthing a rare baby photo of Little Miss Chris Farley...

USBeatdown

Watch with fascination as a corporate bean counter tackles his co-worker:

Innovate or go home.

To all who have maxed out at 649 hogs per hour, I give you the Jarvis Hog-no-Mor™ H-650:

Mim's the word - that means please stop rapping.

Did anyone notice that in its latest expose' on the creative genius of all-galaxy rap artist Mims, the Village Voice is taking on Vibe and The Source for a dominant position in rap and RB publishing?

A sampler of some of the journalistic gems laid down by Rob Harvilla, clearly on his way to a Rappy award:

"First of all, no one calls it "Frisco" except rhyme-starved rappers, and the only worthwhile MCs living anywhere near Sacramento are in prison."

"As these claims and predictions are speculative, there are more possible outcomes; it seems reasonable to assert that Mims can't sell more than a mil' sayin' nothin'."

"Since we're feeling charitable we'll assume all of Mims's women are hot; with regard to our own conquests, it's best to be honest with ourselves."

Elevating a drinking game to an art form.

This guy is a cocky bastard--and a goddamn hero at the game of Beirut. But the moving skateboard one is just obnoxious.

From the creators of Dick In A Box...

Maybe you caught this last night? Here's why there's still hope for Saturday Night Live:

Once clean-cut rap image goes UGLY

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you cross-bred the in-your-face dorkery of Nelly with the hard-hitting lameness of 50 Cent? What if you named the product Karl and then sent him away to school for an advanced degree in public policy? Search no more.

Can I get a neckhole in the congregation!?!?!

If you're an avid reader of Watt Poultry USA, you're likely to regularly face tough purchasing decisions, such as whether to invest in a dicer or leaf lard puller. Word to the wise--hold out for the spinal cord remover. (Coming in April!)

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Tha Criminalympics Main Event - Liquor Store Robbery

Rule #1 when you're robbing a liquor store--try to go through the front door. Broken window glass feels much better cutting through your skin than a hundred shattered wine bottles!

Evite: Lucy Gao's Birthday Blowout! Attendees: 0.

Breathe it in, boys and girls...here's a perfect example of how the internet can be used for forces of good instead of evil--in this case the appropriate backlash to a prissy banking intern's nauseating self-importance. (see below)

Probably the funniest part about this is how people line up to start ripping her apart--one by one, obviously bankers in London, then out of nowhere the dialogue switches from English to Danish...then the Italians weigh in...

Don't miss tonights action--the seedings will be announced for the group stage of a worldwide round-robin tournament. We'll see, once and for all, which nation's finance community can spread electronic ridicule the fastest! Norway's blogger population flourished in 2006, and Mexico boasts a staggering 92% incidence of ridicule-related hospitalizations, but this year all eyes will be on Polish expat "Olek" Gajowniczek, the self-proclaimed Monarch of Mockery, who was fired from his job at Citigroup and is now a consultant to portly middle school bullies named Ian all along the eastern seaboard.

I, for one, will be riveted in my seat.

Links:
lucygao.blogspot.com,
YouTube,
The Guardian,
Times Online,
AOL,
CBS,
The Sun.

To save space in our cluttered coop, I've posted the full text separately. Click here.

Faces - February crop

G. Schumbagg





Richard Cannoli





Lyle "Muffin Top" Jones





Doug the Eyesore

Have our journalism schools gone downhill?

We're up to our eyeballs in the Information Age, so yes, time management is a critical skill for all of us....but please, this multitasking thing has gotten way out of hand.

Dropping like flies on Serbian TV

Holy crud, talk about a quick change of fortune. This woman was on her way to delivering the news bite to end all new bites...where did the chloroform come from? Note the big falling square.

Da Superfans - raising the bar even higher!

With the buildup to Super Bowl XLI, the real stars won't even be taking the field. They'll be at Slugger's Bar & Grill in Chicago, serenading the patrons with sweet nasal melodies from the (enlarged) heart.

Looks like NBC, AOL, MSN, Yahoo!, Google, The Wall Street Journal, The Tribune Company, The Chicago Sun-Times, the underground hip-hop establishment, and many others have caught on! www.DaSuperfans.com

Careful not to get whiplash!

Who said nothing interesting happens in Minnesota? Jeff Crilley certainly would disagree.