Can I get a neckhole in the congregation!?!?!

If you're an avid reader of Watt Poultry USA, you're likely to regularly face tough purchasing decisions, such as whether to invest in a dicer or leaf lard puller. Word to the wise--hold out for the spinal cord remover. (Coming in April!)

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Tha Criminalympics Main Event - Liquor Store Robbery

Rule #1 when you're robbing a liquor store--try to go through the front door. Broken window glass feels much better cutting through your skin than a hundred shattered wine bottles!

Evite: Lucy Gao's Birthday Blowout! Attendees: 0.

Breathe it in, boys and girls...here's a perfect example of how the internet can be used for forces of good instead of evil--in this case the appropriate backlash to a prissy banking intern's nauseating self-importance. (see below)

Probably the funniest part about this is how people line up to start ripping her apart--one by one, obviously bankers in London, then out of nowhere the dialogue switches from English to Danish...then the Italians weigh in...

Don't miss tonights action--the seedings will be announced for the group stage of a worldwide round-robin tournament. We'll see, once and for all, which nation's finance community can spread electronic ridicule the fastest! Norway's blogger population flourished in 2006, and Mexico boasts a staggering 92% incidence of ridicule-related hospitalizations, but this year all eyes will be on Polish expat "Olek" Gajowniczek, the self-proclaimed Monarch of Mockery, who was fired from his job at Citigroup and is now a consultant to portly middle school bullies named Ian all along the eastern seaboard.

I, for one, will be riveted in my seat.

Links:
lucygao.blogspot.com,
YouTube,
The Guardian,
Times Online,
AOL,
CBS,
The Sun.

To save space in our cluttered coop, I've posted the full text separately. Click here.

Faces - February crop

G. Schumbagg





Richard Cannoli





Lyle "Muffin Top" Jones





Doug the Eyesore

Have our journalism schools gone downhill?

We're up to our eyeballs in the Information Age, so yes, time management is a critical skill for all of us....but please, this multitasking thing has gotten way out of hand.

Dropping like flies on Serbian TV

Holy crud, talk about a quick change of fortune. This woman was on her way to delivering the news bite to end all new bites...where did the chloroform come from? Note the big falling square.

Da Superfans - raising the bar even higher!

With the buildup to Super Bowl XLI, the real stars won't even be taking the field. They'll be at Slugger's Bar & Grill in Chicago, serenading the patrons with sweet nasal melodies from the (enlarged) heart.

Looks like NBC, AOL, MSN, Yahoo!, Google, The Wall Street Journal, The Tribune Company, The Chicago Sun-Times, the underground hip-hop establishment, and many others have caught on! www.DaSuperfans.com

Careful not to get whiplash!

Who said nothing interesting happens in Minnesota? Jeff Crilley certainly would disagree.

Trying to beat the winter cold? Wear some road kill.

Word in the base lodge is, this hat is the Tickle Me Elmo of the 2006 holiday season. Reserve yours today!

A prickly world view from feline leadership

Superfans Take Manhattan.

These magicians are up to their old tricks, with their best installment yet.

Rummy has a lighter side?

Here are some Rumsfeld press conferences you probably never saw:

More faces

handsome David Cross




terrorist Roy Munson




Grubby Lopez




Amish peadophile

Star Trek Cribs - The Director's Cut

This is a spectacular spoof. How they got the world's finest actor to do the voiceover is beyond me.

50 Forint - the hottest rap star east of the Danube

I'm going to let this clip speak for itself (with just a small intro by E-man):

"This video came to my attention earlier tonight, courtesy of my hungarian neighbors who wanted to show me "far more than just funny." May I present to you Speak Kecz, an aspiring hungarian rapper, who-totally true-sunk the bulk of the money he made in business and in his days traveling the world on cruise ships, on this music video he thought would launch his rap career by capturing the "anti-war" vibe at the right time. Bear in mind that this is not a joke and he has hired,out of his own pocket I am told, some of actually known hungarian singers to back him, as well as a rented a porsche and a full video film crew to shoot the video in a prominent military cemetery."

(And here at the Chicken Coop, we support all shout outs to Tupac from retired bond traders.)

Presenting Emmanuel Lewistan

The one thing that I can't figure is, if this arranged marriage was intended to produce the hottest 80s dance moves this side of 1995...why in god's name did they engineer their kid to look like a mini James Brown?

Kudos to E-man for unearthing this precious metal:

And now there's a part two.

Fun with a police artist sketchbook

Here's my barbershop quartet for the night. That little bugger in the #4 slot, I like to think of him as an amish Sam Cassell. I invite you to submit your own.

Myron Lickspittle


Roving eyebrow Dwayne Wayne


Handsome midget


Amish Sam Cassell

Peter Piper on the Pacific Rim

This is your typical meat-and-potatoes Japanese game show, reflecting new legislation that has done away with the hooking up of electrodes to one's nuts. The name of the game: high stakes tongue twisters!

More from The Onion Weekender

Flash the pink card!

Make no mistake--the Chicken Coop is friendly to all lifestyles, inclusive of all homosexuals and extending far beyond. But this video of the gay soccer referee is one of the most enlightening clips in recent memory.

Many thanks to Alex Reinlieb for this one: