Milhouse voted top feline marketing exec of 2007

You gonna burn WHAT?

Just some Real Talk© from a brother who always comes correct: R. Kelly.

Is this how we play Chicken in 2007?

It's November my friends--that means its the season of standardized tests (is it?). So with that in mind, here's a little warmup.

What is most offensive about this video clip?

A) The sheer act of being trampled by the Auburn football team.
B) The producer's decision to show the clip over and over with a certain cinematic flair.
C) The anchors' seamless integration of small talk into the program.
D) All of the above.

The answer is E--the fact that despite this hilarity, no one was actually hurt.

More from the Onion Weekender...

I heard Christopher Reeve was faking it too!

It's time for the executive leadership of Chicken Coop Holdings LLC to level with the public. We're about to be bought by News Corp. and as a result can only show news bloopers. Or so it would seem. Here's former paraplegic Kevin Everett showing the world that he has feelings too...

We're sending our love down the well -- and straight to hell

Someone forgot to tell these people to warm up before singing in a stadium. Watch out for the old "steel wool" effect on your eardrums. But at least they look good doing it!

World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100

I'm not going to add any personal interpretation. It's from The Onion and it's a @#$% riot. Enough said.


World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100

Best video dating blooper of 1986

This is highlight reel-caliber video dating footage; ladies, here's your knight in shining armor. Although behind every great man lies an Achilles Heel, and for Steven Morris it appears that simultaneously sitting and yelling are just too difficult to coordinate.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/27729/

Let's get physical!

Wear sweats to the gym at your own risk.

Chris Farley as a little girl

Many thanks to Philip Huffman for unearthing a rare baby photo of Little Miss Chris Farley...

USBeatdown

Watch with fascination as a corporate bean counter tackles his co-worker:

Innovate or go home.

To all who have maxed out at 649 hogs per hour, I give you the Jarvis Hog-no-Mor™ H-650:

Mim's the word - that means please stop rapping.

Did anyone notice that in its latest expose' on the creative genius of all-galaxy rap artist Mims, the Village Voice is taking on Vibe and The Source for a dominant position in rap and RB publishing?

A sampler of some of the journalistic gems laid down by Rob Harvilla, clearly on his way to a Rappy award:

"First of all, no one calls it "Frisco" except rhyme-starved rappers, and the only worthwhile MCs living anywhere near Sacramento are in prison."

"As these claims and predictions are speculative, there are more possible outcomes; it seems reasonable to assert that Mims can't sell more than a mil' sayin' nothin'."

"Since we're feeling charitable we'll assume all of Mims's women are hot; with regard to our own conquests, it's best to be honest with ourselves."

Elevating a drinking game to an art form.

This guy is a cocky bastard--and a goddamn hero at the game of Beirut. But the moving skateboard one is just obnoxious.

From the creators of Dick In A Box...

Maybe you caught this last night? Here's why there's still hope for Saturday Night Live:

Once clean-cut rap image goes UGLY

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you cross-bred the in-your-face dorkery of Nelly with the hard-hitting lameness of 50 Cent? What if you named the product Karl and then sent him away to school for an advanced degree in public policy? Search no more.

Can I get a neckhole in the congregation!?!?!

If you're an avid reader of Watt Poultry USA, you're likely to regularly face tough purchasing decisions, such as whether to invest in a dicer or leaf lard puller. Word to the wise--hold out for the spinal cord remover. (Coming in April!)

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Tha Criminalympics Main Event - Liquor Store Robbery

Rule #1 when you're robbing a liquor store--try to go through the front door. Broken window glass feels much better cutting through your skin than a hundred shattered wine bottles!

Evite: Lucy Gao's Birthday Blowout! Attendees: 0.

Breathe it in, boys and girls...here's a perfect example of how the internet can be used for forces of good instead of evil--in this case the appropriate backlash to a prissy banking intern's nauseating self-importance. (see below)

Probably the funniest part about this is how people line up to start ripping her apart--one by one, obviously bankers in London, then out of nowhere the dialogue switches from English to Danish...then the Italians weigh in...

Don't miss tonights action--the seedings will be announced for the group stage of a worldwide round-robin tournament. We'll see, once and for all, which nation's finance community can spread electronic ridicule the fastest! Norway's blogger population flourished in 2006, and Mexico boasts a staggering 92% incidence of ridicule-related hospitalizations, but this year all eyes will be on Polish expat "Olek" Gajowniczek, the self-proclaimed Monarch of Mockery, who was fired from his job at Citigroup and is now a consultant to portly middle school bullies named Ian all along the eastern seaboard.

I, for one, will be riveted in my seat.

Links:
lucygao.blogspot.com,
YouTube,
The Guardian,
Times Online,
AOL,
CBS,
The Sun.

To save space in our cluttered coop, I've posted the full text separately. Click here.

Faces - February crop

G. Schumbagg





Richard Cannoli





Lyle "Muffin Top" Jones





Doug the Eyesore

Have our journalism schools gone downhill?

We're up to our eyeballs in the Information Age, so yes, time management is a critical skill for all of us....but please, this multitasking thing has gotten way out of hand.

Dropping like flies on Serbian TV

Holy crud, talk about a quick change of fortune. This woman was on her way to delivering the news bite to end all new bites...where did the chloroform come from? Note the big falling square.

Da Superfans - raising the bar even higher!

With the buildup to Super Bowl XLI, the real stars won't even be taking the field. They'll be at Slugger's Bar & Grill in Chicago, serenading the patrons with sweet nasal melodies from the (enlarged) heart.

Looks like NBC, AOL, MSN, Yahoo!, Google, The Wall Street Journal, The Tribune Company, The Chicago Sun-Times, the underground hip-hop establishment, and many others have caught on! www.DaSuperfans.com

Careful not to get whiplash!

Who said nothing interesting happens in Minnesota? Jeff Crilley certainly would disagree.

Trying to beat the winter cold? Wear some road kill.

Word in the base lodge is, this hat is the Tickle Me Elmo of the 2006 holiday season. Reserve yours today!

A prickly world view from feline leadership

Superfans Take Manhattan.

These magicians are up to their old tricks, with their best installment yet.

Rummy has a lighter side?

Here are some Rumsfeld press conferences you probably never saw:

More faces

handsome David Cross




terrorist Roy Munson




Grubby Lopez




Amish peadophile

Star Trek Cribs - The Director's Cut

This is a spectacular spoof. How they got the world's finest actor to do the voiceover is beyond me.

50 Forint - the hottest rap star east of the Danube

I'm going to let this clip speak for itself (with just a small intro by E-man):

"This video came to my attention earlier tonight, courtesy of my hungarian neighbors who wanted to show me "far more than just funny." May I present to you Speak Kecz, an aspiring hungarian rapper, who-totally true-sunk the bulk of the money he made in business and in his days traveling the world on cruise ships, on this music video he thought would launch his rap career by capturing the "anti-war" vibe at the right time. Bear in mind that this is not a joke and he has hired,out of his own pocket I am told, some of actually known hungarian singers to back him, as well as a rented a porsche and a full video film crew to shoot the video in a prominent military cemetery."

(And here at the Chicken Coop, we support all shout outs to Tupac from retired bond traders.)

Presenting Emmanuel Lewistan

The one thing that I can't figure is, if this arranged marriage was intended to produce the hottest 80s dance moves this side of 1995...why in god's name did they engineer their kid to look like a mini James Brown?

Kudos to E-man for unearthing this precious metal:

And now there's a part two.

Fun with a police artist sketchbook

Here's my barbershop quartet for the night. That little bugger in the #4 slot, I like to think of him as an amish Sam Cassell. I invite you to submit your own.

Myron Lickspittle


Roving eyebrow Dwayne Wayne


Handsome midget


Amish Sam Cassell

Peter Piper on the Pacific Rim

This is your typical meat-and-potatoes Japanese game show, reflecting new legislation that has done away with the hooking up of electrodes to one's nuts. The name of the game: high stakes tongue twisters!

More from The Onion Weekender

Flash the pink card!

Make no mistake--the Chicken Coop is friendly to all lifestyles, inclusive of all homosexuals and extending far beyond. But this video of the gay soccer referee is one of the most enlightening clips in recent memory.

Many thanks to Alex Reinlieb for this one:

Jam out at your own risk

This jolly little hipster-in-training has taught us all a valuable lesson: in the information age, DON'T DO ANYTHING, because someone is probably filming a video of you to put online. Wake up, stretch, and go back to bed, and you have nothing to worry about.



When he turns up the heat during the third verse, be prepared to wet yourself.

By the way, Star Wars Kid can finally breathe a sigh of relief. In other news, if I were Gnarls Barkley I would put my name on this and splash it on MTV right away.

And without further ado: "Kid caught singing."

The lighter side of soccer humor

It's world cup time. Chew on these:

Funny injury just got funnier.

Mississippi Mudd.

Jackhammers may cause birth defects!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...our nation is only as intelligent as its expectant mothers from Roanoke:

Here's why you wait 30 minutes after eating

Kinder Jackass

Does Johnny Knoxville have a German toddler son?

Does Kia make copiers now too?

Here's an instructional video for all office admins.



Many thanks to Alex Reinlieb for this one:

No need to wear a helmet

The spirit of Christmas

This just warms my heart. Tops is the part where he's pawing at the Nintendo box like a declawed kitten.

It's an important day in Italian politics...

They say that the camera-friendly guy is the one who usually wins. Take a look, and you be the judge.

Books: What's All The Buzz About?

Camels are terrific!

Many thanks to Sergio Burani for seeing beauty in nasal chaos.

Most patient guy in the world

	"This little German kid is nuts, he gets so pissed off waiting for a video game to load." Watch video
	"Pay special attention to the part where he accidentally bashes the Help key. "Hilfe?!?!" Ich brauche keine Hilfe!"
	"For such a slow computer, this krauts got one hell of a webcam...he should really get that fixed, before he puts his head through the monitor...or get some rec-specs."

(Broke)Back To The Future

Here's what happens when you turn the love meter up to 1.21 jigowatts!